The best poker lessons don’t come when you're the chip leader and on a mental high.
They show up when the cards go cold, when you’ve folded five orbits or fifty-four hands in a row, and when you’re screaming inside, “Why am I still sitting here?”
That’s when the real game begins.
Let me take you inside how I see it, shaped by 29 years on the felt, thousands of hours, and more mindset resets than I can count.
This Isn’t a Highlight Reel. It’s the Truth Behind the Chips.
Part One: The Mind
Poker doesn’t just test your knowledge of the cards first. It tests your mind.
I remember my first time playing in the World Series of Poker Main Event Championship in Las Vegas in 2007. It felt like I was the first woman quarterback in the Super Bowl.
The lights were bright, and the testosterone was thick in the air. I’d barely taken my seat when a man across the table gave me a once-over and smirked.
“You play poker, big girl?”
I smiled and said, “We’re about to find out.”
That moment marked a shift in me. I realized that my presence at the table, the way I walked in, the way I sat down, the way I met his gaze with my bitch poker face, was pivotal.
From that moment forward, I understood something most players miss: Poker is more mental. It's internal.
The real game happens between your ears. Every thought, every belief, every piece of self-talk leaks out in the way you stack your chips, the way you take a moment before a call, the way you breathe.
The players who go deep aren’t always the most skilled.
They’re the ones who know how to stay grounded when the pot gets huge and tension grips them like someone squeezing their scrotum.
They're the ones who can pause under pressure. The ones who don’t need to chase hands because they already trust themselves.
When I coach players now, that’s where I begin. Not with bet sizing or pot odds, although I do love the math, and of course, it’s important.
The Inner Game Wins More Often
I start with the inner game. I help players train their brain to pause and listen. Trust their gut when it matters most.
Today, more famous poker players are turning inward.
One, who also has the attention of non-poker players, is Daniel Negreanu, a Canadian poker pro. He earned the nickname “Kid Poker” by being the youngest, at the time, to win a World Poker Series bracelet at the age of 23.
That was in 1998, the same year I became a poker journalist at the age of 49, and Daniel's youth and commitment to study have fascinated me ever since.
Once we could see the players' hole cards on television, the producers started having feature tables. Once they put mics on the players, you could hear what the players said, even quietly to themselves.
Daniel had an uncanny way of “guessing” what the other players had. He never said it was about mindset, but I believe it was.
That’s not just mindset mastery. That’s performance. And it’s what separates the players who last from the ones who rarely do.
Part Two: The Table
The grind isn’t glamorous. But it’s sacred.
Years ago, I played a live event that ran sixteen hours straight, and it feels like it was yesterday. I gave it everything.
Managed my stack with discipline. Played position like a pro. Folded hands I loved and made tough calls when it mattered. And still, I didn’t cash.
I drove home across the state in silence. No music. No cursing. Just a quiet ride and a question looping in my head: “What did I miss?”
The next morning, I did what I always do. I sat down with a pad of paper, started with the overarching view, then went through the 3-question process.
This Is Where the Gold Is
What did I do well? What might I have done differently? What can I do next time to be more effective?
Then, I ran through every decision that came to mind. Not the outcomes. The decisions. The process. How long I paused. What I had considered before deciding.
That’s where the lessons are hiding in plain sight.
Record-breaking champion Phil Hellmuth holds 17 World Series of Poker bracelets, more than anyone in history to date.
He may put on a show, which he often does, but he doesn’t win because of it. He wins because he knows how to outlast, out-think, and out-play.
The proof is on the table.
Poker rewards consistency. Not drama.
You Can't Fast-Talk Your Way to the Final Tables
You grind. You pay attention. You fold with intention. You raise with power. You stay when it’s really tough and fold when your inner demon keeps prompting you to just see one more card.
When people ask me how to handle tilt, I say this: “Stop trying to win every hand. Let go of needing to win.”
Poker’s not about that. It’s about winning in the moments that matter most and letting go of the ones that don’t.
That’s what I teach my poker clients. How to detach. How to reset. How to sit with uncertainty without getting knocked off center. Poker becomes your training ground for life when you let it.
Part Three: After the Action
What you carry away from the table matters more.
I’ve coached players who cashed deep and still felt empty. Unfulfilled.
I’ve also coached players who busted on Day One and walked away with their head held high, knowing they played their best game.
The difference?
Reflection. Not on the result, but on the growth.
Post-Game Is Where Players Become Champions
I ask every player I coach to do a post-game review. Not just what happened, but how they responded. What stories came up? What patterns repeated? What lessons surfaced?
I had one client tell me about a painful bust-out, “I finally get it. I didn’t lose. I learned exactly what I came for.”
That’s when I knew she was ready for the big table.
Poker isn’t just a game. It reveals who you are under pressure: your patterns, your fears, your triggers. And it gives you the chance to shift them, one decision at a time.
And the beauty is, it never ends.
Every tournament is another opportunity to grow. Not to prove yourself. Not to be perfect. Just to meet the next level of you.
If you’ve been playing for a while, you already know: The cards don’t care who you are. But your self-talk does. Your mindset does. Your decisions do.
That’s where I live. In the moment between thought and action. In the pause before the push. In the space where doubt used to live before you learned to trust yourself.
This isn’t just poker strategy. It’s mindset transformation.
In this moment, I’d like you to know that I appreciate you just the way you are.
Consider yourself hugged,
Donna
The Poker Performance Coach you keep in your pocket sometimes called the Pocket Performance Coach
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