Holy shit! I’ve had all this life experience, and I keep wondering, what the hell do I write about that interests you?
In response to last week's post where I talked about one of the toughest times in my life, Megan Lee, the publisher of The Shame Sandwich, said:
“💕💕💕 I can’t wait to soak up all the healing energy from you sharing your shit! It’s magical how “confessing the ugly” starts such a positive, healing effect for all of us around. 🥹”
It never occurred to me that sharing my shame has an uplifting healing effect. Damn glad it does!! 💕
My advice: Stop holding onto shitty guilt and pushing it down. It doesn't go away when it’s suppressed.
It siphons off energy and power while undermining self-confidence.
Letting go of the uglies releases guilt, judgment, blame, and shame.
Believe me. It feels so good to release. It's orgasmic.
Ahhhhhh…
3, 2, 1…
Okay. Here goes.
I'm human.
I have flaws.
I’m 6-foot-5 inches tall…
And I’m a woman… so, no dick…
…but I have balls. It just took me decades to grow them.
I always wondered if I was secretly dosed with testosterone.
Joking… Well, not joking. Seriously, I've wondered that.
Because I learned to sell and achieve the highest close rate in predominantly male-dominated markets.
Admittedly, it pissed the boys off.
But enough with pleasantries, let me get to more of the gritty uglies.
What next?
Prequel to ONE of the toughest times in my life
Have you ever made a mistake, screwed up totally, and lost everything important to you?
I have — multiple times. I'm a master at losing. I didn't have to go to school for that.
Because I’m a master at learning from those mistakes, turning them to my advantage… and winning!
That’s true in poker. It’s true in business. And it’s true in life.
So THIS is what I’m going to write about…
I’m here to win at poker, in sales, in life, and to build a community where we can teach each other how to do it.
Rather than how to play particular cards in the game or how to take specific actions in life, it’s about how to shift your mindset regardless of the situation so that you win more often than you lose.
Let me say this one more time.
This is about winning more often than you lose.
Regardless of the sh*t that going on around you.
That’s what I’ll be talking about: how to go toe-to-toe with defeat, with difficult clients, with competition that doesn’t want you to win, with unsavory life experiences.
Do you get the idea?
This is about becoming the Game Master of Your Mind, where you make the best decisions with the information you have.
Because we never know it all.
How I got here
Since I'm about to share the truth with you, writing this I was near tears. I had to talk about this dozens of times with my dearest before I could share this openly.
I feel like I'm about to step into a confessional booth with you as my confidant and witness. I trust you, but I fear being judged.
Okay. Deeeeep breath... Here goes…
From a rigid Southern Baptist upbringing in the coal mining camps of Virginia, I simultaneously lost my faith and my virginity to date rape at the age of 19.
My religious conditioning had implanted the belief that I must be a virgin to marry.
And, here's the ugly.
The only way I could conform was to marry that date-rape bastard who became my first husband.
I hear you shouting, “WTF! Tell me it's not so!”
I bet that is the stupidest thing I ever did.
Hmm… I'm thinking here. No, not THE stupidest, one of the stupidest.
Three years later, my worthiness evaporated when my first husband said, "I don't like you anymore; go get a divorce."
When the next man to show me what I thought was genuine compassion became my second husband, I lost all my remaining dignity when he turned me into a prostitute.
I fled a year later with just the clothes on my back and lost my peace of mind. I spent the better part of my life looking over my shoulder. I was afraid he would find me (and kill me because he would) and terrified someone would recognize me.
Think about it.
Who the f*ck can hide as a woman at 6-foot-5-inches tall?!
Before publishing this, I was talking with my third and final husband about exposing that I was a prostitute.
He asked, "Are you ready to tell them you got money for giving a blow job?"
I paused for a moment and said, “Hell, yeah!”
Then, with a twinkle in his eye, my husband asked, “Do I need to write you a check?”
I almost peed myself laughing as tears ran down my face.
Look, this is emotional sh*t.
My third husband deserves more than a mention, he deserves fireworks, celebrations, and whatever I can do to show you how frigging lucky I am, and what a special man he is.
Today our marriage is different than most
Every single day Gregory tells me how much he loves me.
After I catch my scary face looking back at me in the makeup mirror and I feel old, he tells me, “Stop it! You're the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Who doesn't need that?
Every time I screw up, he asks, “What did you learn from that?”
He’s listening right now as I speak directly to you — with you — because you’re important to me.
Back to the ugly
Thirty-five years after I escaped from my second husband, I lost my real estate business when I unwittingly pled to a white-collar felony.
Then, after demolishing my left leg and ankle, I had a six-year pity party, lost my health, and gained 150 pounds to reach a maximum gross weight of 335.
My chips were gone, and I was broken
The following is my overarching takeaway from decades of shame:
It does not matter why you lose — whether it's because you feel you have no choice, or you feel you’re worthless, or because you’re too much of a coward to stand up for yourself, or because you choose addiction to ease the pain.
What matters is that you learn from each experience and then use that newfound knowledge to improve your life.
Here's the proof.
I love who I am today. And without all that, I wouldn’t be me.
Feel that for yourself.
Short or tall. Skinny or fat. He. She. They. Black or white or brown or yellow or whatever color your skin is. Love yourself.
Red? Well, asshole redneck. I'm not sure what I think about you.
I say what I mean. I’m Unmuffled.
I love you just the way you are, but I have to add a caveat.
As long as you're nicer to other people.
Poker Salvation
When I first became interested in playing poker, I casually sought a diversion from everyday pressures.
What I didn’t expect was that this simple card game would teach me so much about the game of life.
Before poker, as you've seen, I spent most of my life frantically reacting to crisis after crisis, unconsciously allowing life and my mistakes to define me.
After starting poker, I found out the truth about my relationships and myself.
Invited to the Table
Every person’s life has milestones, and today, I know better who I am and what I want.
But, it’s when other people see me that way too… that’s new, it never gets old! And I'm still surprised at how some people see me.
I’d love to know how you see me, and I’d appreciate a comment in that vein.
Here’s the Deal
I plan to explain how poker, the Ultimate-Adult-Do-Over, transformed my self-esteem and saved my life.
Think of my newsletter as a self-help guidebook that gives you the tools to raise your self-worth and deal with life's challenges told through a colorful poker metaphor.
However, being a poker player is not required.
You In?
Who can better show you how to profit from losses and regain your hope than someone who has failed at everything in her life, then openly exposes herself and her failures to you?
That's me
I’m Donna Blevins, a 6'5", 75-year-old poker journalist, professional poker player (on extended sabbatical), sought-after speaker with a PhD in Metaphysical Coaching… who is a Publisher, an ex-Prostitute, ex-REALTOR®, ex-Bartender, ex-Ad Executive, ex-Morbidly Obese Convicted Felon, and twice ordained minister.
Known as the Big Girl of Poker who went back to school at the age of 58 to earn two masters and a doctorate.
Yes, I’m an expert at playing the crappy cards life deals me as if I've already won.
But my biggest strength is what I’m hoping you’ll take away. That’s finding the lessons within the loss and getting back in the game.
What shame are you willing to release today?
Got a headache trying to find a speaker?
Take two aspirin and reach out to Donna.
FROM BOARDROOM TO FRONT LINES, Donna uplevels performance in leadership and sales while captivating the audience.
This 25-second video tells it like it is.
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