Look, I don’t sugarcoat much.
If you’ve been around me long enough, you know I don’t do the whole let’s pretend everything’s fine act.
Life has handed me more than my share of gut punches — the kind that leave bruises no one can see.
I’ve faced down loss, betrayal, the crushing weight of silence when I literally couldn’t speak.
I’ve sat at tables — both in poker and in life — where I felt like the deck was stacked against me and had no good moves left.
And you know what I’ve learned?
The ugliest, rawest thoughts — the ones we’re told to shove down, ignore, or smother with positivity — are gold mines if you know how to use them.
Most people treat negative thoughts like something to be avoided, something that means they’re failing.
But those moments when your mind whispers, This is hopeless. You’re screwed. You always do this?
That’s where the real work begins.
Because those thoughts — the ones that hit like a freight train at 2 a.m. or sneak up when you’re about to make a big decision — aren’t just noise.
They’re telling you something.
Ever had one of those days when your mind serves up a steady stream of “What if this goes wrong?” or “Why did I say that?” or “I should’ve…”?
Most people are quick to slap a “bad” label on those thoughts, thinking they need to be erased or replaced with something positive.
But what if those so-called negative thoughts aren’t the enemy?
What if they’re a built-in feedback system, nudging you toward clarity, better decisions, and — dare I say it — winning more often?
The Problem With “Think Positive” (All the Time)
Society pushes people to stay positive no matter what — like putting a smiley-face sticker on a busted gas gauge and ignoring the warning signs.
That kind of unquestioning optimism is dangerous at the poker table. It’s also risky in life.
Imagine you’re sitting in a tournament, short-stacked. You feel the pressure.
Maybe there’s frustration bubbling up because you lost a big hand earlier. Perhaps doubt is creeping in.
You could try to force yourself into positive thinking, telling yourself everything’s fine and that you’re definitely going to win.
Or you could listen to that tension. It’s telling you something.
Maybe you’re playing too tight out of fear.
Maybe you’re playing too loose to chase losses.
Maybe your gut is telling you something your brain hasn’t entirely processed yet.
The key isn’t to suppress those thoughts. The key is to use them.
Why Negative Thoughts Can Be Your Best Ally
1. They Help You Make Better Decisions
In poker, we don’t win by pretending we always have the nuts — the winning hand.
We win by reading the situation, adjusting, and making the best possible move.
Same with life.
Negative emotions — doubt, frustration, even fear — are signals. They’re alerting you to something that needs attention.
Feeling hesitant about a decision? Maybe there’s missing information you need.
Feeling irritated? Maybe you’re pushing too hard in the wrong direction.
Feeling nervous? Maybe it’s because you’re about to do something outside your comfort zone — and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Instead of shoving those feelings away, pause and ask, “What is this trying to tell me?”
2. They Keep You From Repeating Mistakes
Suppressing negative thoughts is like ignoring the dealer’s warnings about waiting until it’s your turn to act — it throws everything off and puts you at a disadvantage.
Let’s say you made a bad call that cost you a big chunk of your stack.
If your first reaction is to push down the regret and act like it never happened, guess what? You’ll probably make the same mistake again.
But if you let yourself feel that twinge of regret, you can learn from it.
What led to that decision?
Did I let emotions override logic?
Did I ignore a read on my opponent?
The same applies to life. If you keep dating the same type of toxic person, or taking jobs that drain you, or avoiding hard conversations, those patterns won’t change until you recognize the warning signs instead of burying them.
3. They Fuel Growth
Ever noticed that the biggest breakthroughs happen right after you’ve been pushed to your limit?
You’re outside your comfort zone.
When I was relearning how to speak after my stroke, there were moments of sheer frustration — times when I wanted to scream (but couldn’t).
I wouldn't have fought as hard if I had told myself, “Just stay positive!” and ignored those feelings.
That frustration meant I cared. It meant I wasn’t willing to accept the limits placed on me.
Negative emotions aren’t roadblocks — they’re signals that something is about to change. And when you know how to use them, they become fuel.
Working WITH Negative Thoughts Instead of Against Them
If eliminating negative thoughts doesn’t work, what might you do instead?
Here’s what I teach in MindShifting™ — a simple process to realign your thinking on-demand:
1. Acknowledge the Thought — Without Wrestling It
Instead of arguing with a negative thought, observe it.
If your mind says, “You always screw this up,” don’t fight it. Instead, think, “Hmm… isn’t that interesting?”
If frustration rises, don’t shove it down. Instead, notice it and ask, “What is this trying to show me?”
That small shift in perspective turns an enemy into information.
2. Separate Feeling From Fact
Not every thought is true.
Just because your brain says, “You’ll never get better at this,” doesn’t mean it’s reality.
Instead of taking every thought as gospel, ask:
Is this 100% true?
What evidence do I have for and against this?
What’s a more useful way to frame this?
3. Channel the Energy Into Action
If a thought is sticking around, it’s probably trying to tell you something.
Instead of dwelling on regret, turn it into a lesson.
Instead of fearing failure, use it to prepare better.
Instead of feeling stuck, ask what small step you can take right now.
Poker’s Life Lessons Takeaway:
Negative emotions aren’t obstacles — they’re indicators. The question is: Will you ignore them or use them to your advantage?
Now — your turn. Hit reply or comment:
What’s ONE way you’ve turned a negative emotion into an advantage?
What’s a thought that’s been nagging you lately — and how can you use it instead of fight it?
Until next time, keep fine tuning your mindset — one thought at a time.
~ Donna aka the MindShift Mechanic
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