What if self-talk is the GPS pin locking you into a destination you never chose and never wanted?
Self-talk quietly sets the coordinates.
Left unchecked, self-talk steers you straight into doubt, hesitation, and regret.
That was me.
I didn’t realize how much my inner dialogue was holding me back — until I changed it over the last month.
Until I chose to become fully Unmuffled and tell you shameful stories I never thought I’d share.
They weren't polished. They were unplanned. They were raw, honest, and terrifying. They were — word vomit.
I felt apologetic for opening up to you, but I was sick and tired of being quiet.
Shame whispers
For years, I’d carried this weight — this shame whispering in my ear, “If people knew just part of the truth, they’d judge you. They'd know you weren't good enough.”
I was convinced that negative labels would follow if I told the truth and shared my deep secrets.
I feared the truth would destroy the reputation I'd spent decades building and that I would never be:
Hired as a keynote speaker again
Engaged as a coach or mentor
Retained as a consultant to rebuild a kickass sales team
Respected as a thought leader
I was afraid that someone would slap a scarlet letter on me. Brand me like livestock. Call me a no-good, convicted felon, and a scum-sucking whore.
But there was a different story
Okay, bear with me while I shift gears right here. Right now.
I’ve hesitated to step back in time and share this from a different point of view.
But I'm going to stake claim right now to the fact that I was not an ordinary prostitute. Not just different.
I was special. Unique. And authentic.
Sure, I was easy to look at and high-priced arm candy, but consider this: I was raised by a devout Christian woman who instilled in me a work ethic.
To find joy, positivity, and light in the darkest times, I made it my mission to give the best blowjob any man had ever received.
It wasn't about just getting him off; it was by connecting. By listening. By nurturing.
My job was to give him an unforgettable experience.
And when it came to fucking. I wasn't the slam, bam, thank-you-ma'am.
In retrospect, I became the master. I taught men how to pleasure me in order to extend their enjoyment.
Then, they would take that knowledge back home and be better lovers.
I was an unofficial sex therapist and couple’s coach.
Who would have thought that!?!
You, my faithful reader and listener, are giving me the ability to speak my truth.
I braced myself for judgment that might have followed after sharing my truths.
The looks. The whispers. The distance.
But that’s not what happened.
The moment I spoke my truth, something shifted.
People didn’t pull away — they leaned in.
They told me my honesty gave them courage — that my example helped them speak their own truth. I heard words like inspiring, brave, and real.
And just like that, my shame transformed into pride.
The stories we tell ourselves
The process of telling my truths hit me like a freight train. It was more than just the facts.
It was the fear, wrapped up in self-talk and disguised as reality.
How often do we do that?
We tell ourselves:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I don’t have what it takes.”
“If I fail, everyone will know.”
And we believe it. Not because it’s true, but because we’ve repeated it so many times, it feels true.
But here’s the kicker: Once I shifted my thinking and evicted the self-talk bitch, everything else shifted, too.
MindShift = Momentum
That’s what MindShifting™ is all about. It’s not just thinking positive thoughts or slapping a smile on when life deals you a crappy hand.
It’s about realigning your thinking — on demand — so you stop replaying the same struggles and start seeing possibilities.
It’s the difference between:
— “I’m drowning in to-dos.” and “I choose what deserves my attention.”
— “What if I fail?” and “What if I win?”
— “I’m stuck.” and “I’m unstoppable.”
That shift doesn’t take months. It takes seconds — once you know how.
However, the process of anchoring a habit takes time.
There’s a myth that it only takes 21 days to form a habit. A hallmark 2009 study on habit creation found that habits develop in 18 to 254 days.
Participants reported taking an average of about 66 days to incorporate one of three simple new daily activities - eating a piece of fruit with lunch, drinking a bottle of water with lunch, or running for 15 minutes before dinner.
The time needed to create a habit varies greatly based on personal motivation, the habit's nature, and the behavior's context.
My take is that repetition is the mother of retention.
Why this matters - now more than ever
Even though I’ve been focusing on MindShifting™ for decades, I had suppressed my memories of gnarly, ugly times to the extent that I was trying to forget them.
Preparing for my upcoming workshop, I wanted to walk the walk.
So, I got back into journaling my daily self-talk.
Then, this shit surfaced, and I realized I’m not alone.
I see it all the time.
Brilliant, capable people are stuck.
They do not lack skills or motivation, but their self-talk keeps their wheels spinning and keeps them bogged down in the mud.
They overthink. Procrastinate. Push harder, hoping effort will drown out doubt.
It doesn’t.
You can have the best strategies in the world, but if your mind is working against you, you’ll stall out every time.
Just ask me. I’ve proved it can span half a century.
What if it does work?
Here’s the truth: I almost didn’t share my stories last month.
I almost stayed quiet, kept the mask on, stayed muffled, and let shame win.
But I didn’t.
And what happened?
Doors opened. Conversations deepened. People told me they’d been waiting for someone to say what I said — so they could finally speak their own truth.
That’s the power of a MindShift.
It changes everything.
Join me
If you’re tired of spinning your wheels and ready for something different, join me this Friday. I’m hosting a free workshop called Speed-Shift Your Self-Talk.
It’s not a pep talk. This approach is quick, practical, and, to be frank, a little mind-blowing. The technology isn’t magic, though it might seem like it is. Register here.
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